You’ve heard the expression… “Well, back to the cheese mines.” Probably never gave much thought to where it came from. Most people haven’t.

But long before tourists came to Bandon for beaches, golf and overpriced little shops, men went underground.

Not for gold. Not for coal.

For cheddar.

Deep beneath Bandon ran some of the richest natural cheese deposits on the West Coast. Sharp yellow seams packed beneath layers of coastal rock, aged by pressure, salt air and time.

The old miners knew good cheese when they found it. Some claimed you could tell the quality by licking the wall.

The really good veins would squeak.

As Bandon grew, so did the mines. Later shafts reportedly ran beneath Highway 101, which may explain the faint taste of motor oil in some of the postwar batches.

Then, in 2000, Tillamook bought Bandon Cheese.

They got the factory, the name, the equipment and the recipes.

But they didn’t get the mineral rights.

Suddenly, Bandon Cheese had everything it needed… except Bandon cheese.

With the original cheddar seams legally out of reach, production eventually moved away and they were forced to make it the modern way.

From cows.

So if you’ve ever wondered why Bandon Cheese never tasted quite the same after the sale, there’s your answer.

The old factory is gone. Face Rock Creamery sits on the site today. And somewhere beneath it, if the old stories are true, there may still be enough sharp cheddar buried under Bandon to keep half of Oregon constipated for a generation.

And now you know…

the rest of the story.

The Coostucky Chronicle is satire. Tillamook really did buy Bandon Cheese in 2000. The cheese mines, squeaking cheddar veins and missing dairy mineral rights are complete bullshit. Probably.