KOTEK ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCES OREGON WILL BE RENAMED PORTLAGON
SALEM, OR – Following Tina Kotek’s reelection, the governor’s office has decided to quit screwing around and officially rename Oregon Portlagon. The name combines Portland
UNCLE GABE WINS FOUR MORE YEARS, BUT SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THAT PORCH
COQUILLE, OR – Well, congratulations, Uncle Gabe. Another four years as Coos County Sheriff. The voters have spoken, the election is over, and now that
STRIP THE CADDY, CLYDE! REEDSPORT BEAR TAKES CLINT EASTWOOD MOVIE A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY
REEDSPORT, OR – Somebody’s been showing the local wildlife old Clint Eastwood movies, because a Reedsport bear apparently watched Every Which Way But Loose and
PAUL BUNYAN’S TWEAKER COUSIN SUSPECTED IN CAVE JUNCTION HATCHET ROBBERY
CAVE JUNCTION, OR — A 37-year-old man allegedly robbed a Shop Smart grocery store Sunday with a hatchet, made off with over $1,000 in merchandise,
COOSTUCKY CHRONICLE: GET OFF YOUR ASS AND VOTE
OREGON – It’s Election Day, folks. That sacred American tradition where we select our leaders from people who couldn’t organize a two-car funeral without forming
FLORENCE TO CELEBRATE 56 YEARS OF GOVERNMENT INCOMPETENCE
FLORENCE, OR – Fifty-six years after the State of Oregon attempted to dispose of a dead whale with half a ton of dynamite, Florence is
COOSTUCKY CHRONICLE’S EARL ANNOUNCES TEMPORARY CAREER CHANGE
COOSTUCKY – The Coostucky Chronicle has temporarily laid off longtime employee Earl after an internal review revealed he hadn’t accomplished a damn thing since being
COOS COUNTY MAN ATTEMPTS TREE REMOVAL, IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT
Sponsored by 3H Tree Service COOS COUNTY, OR – A local man’s attempt to save money on tree removal ended Saturday with a destroyed bathroom,
COOS COUNTY FAMILY FINDS RUNNING CHAINSAW INSIDE FUN-SIZE SNICKERS
COOS COUNTY, OR – Parents are being warned to inspect their children’s Halloween candy after a local mother discovered a STIHL 066 Magnum chainsaw with
COQUILLE INFILTRATED BY JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES DISGUISED AS TRICK-OR-TREATERS
COQUILLE, OR – Halloween has taken a ridiculous turn after residents discovered that several trick-or-treaters are actually elderly Jehovah’s Witnesses wearing cheap children’s costumes and