Oregon has reportedly announced a bold new plan to tax your taxes, because taking the money once apparently wasn’t weird enough.

The new program works like getting a permit to apply for a permit, then paying a fee because the permit needed processing, counseling, and a laminated name tag.

Governor Tina Kotek’s office is expected to call it something like a “Revenue Equity Adjustment,” which is Salem talk for “we found another pocket.”

Under the plan, if you pay a tax, Oregon adds a tax-handling tax, a convenience fee, a paperwork fee, and possibly a small charge for making the state look directly at your paycheck without laughing.

In Coos County, residents said they knew trouble was coming when Salem started staring at the McKay’s change jar like it was a transportation package.

One man tried to pay with cans, Fred Meyer fuel points, and three quarters from under the truck seat. The state said that was fine, but he’d need a redemption permit and a second permit confirming the first permit wasn’t counterfeit.

Officials say the money will fund studies, committees, outreach coordinators, and another guy named Bryce making six figures to explain why the potholes still look like elk wallows.

Critics say Oregon is squeezing working people dry to bankroll shopping carts, bike parts, and court dates. Supporters say that’s unfair, because some of those carts have really been through a lot.

Relief is available.

The application costs $38.

Appeals are $74, unless the office is closed for training, lunch, or a drum circle about sustainable envelopes.

Next year, Oregon may roll out a “Citizen Participation Fee,” charging residents for the privilege of being robbed politely.

Because in Oregon, they don’t just pick your pocket.

They hand you a form and make you do it yourself.

Disclaimer: This is satire, parody, and fake local news. If it sounds real, Oregon may want to sit with that.

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