COOS BAY — Apparently running a local Facebook page from Portland wasn’t enough.

Now we’ve got Emergency Community Response alerts, requested protester numbers, counter-protest mobilization, rapid-response plans, and “not to be released to the public” messages like Coos Bay is under military occupation.

This is also the same guy who likes pointing at his 14,000 followers like they’re proof the people have spoken.

Buddy.

They clicked Follow.

They did not enlist.

At this point he’s basically General MacArthur of the Bay Area, except MacArthur actually showed up where he was commanding.

“I shall return.”

You’d have to come down here first.

So now Coos Bay apparently has an unofficial mayor, emergency manager, protest coordinator, and commander of the 14,000th Keyboard Division issuing orders from Portland.

Then after all the emergency command-center shit comes Zombie Day.

Of course it does.

General MacFacebook is apparently protecting Coos Bay from protesters, political emergencies, and the undead, all without having to leave Portland.

Somebody may want to gently remind him:

You run a Facebook page. You are not in charge of Coos Bay.

DISCLAIMER: Satire based on publicly posted material. No actual rank, office, or emergency authority has been granted.