An investigation into the Coostucky Chronicle has uncovered what appears to be a loosely organized collection of smartasses operating an alleged news publication somewhere in Southwest Oregon.

Nobody knows who these people are, where they work, or why someone hasn’t taken their computers away.

With nearly 15,000 followers and close to 500 articles, the Chronicle has somehow convinced a sizable portion of the population that reading this horseshit is a productive use of their time.

The publication regularly features incompetent politicians, government stupidity, and local residents doing things that would embarrass a reasonably intelligent farm animal.

Investigators suspect the staff uses artificial intelligence, although judging by the material, neither the artificial nor the intelligence appears particularly reliable.

None of the alleged writers have produced a journalism degree, a résumé, or evidence they’ve ever operated heavy machinery without supervision.

Then there’s the merchandise.

These idiots are actually selling clothing with their name on it. Apparently, making fools of themselves online wasn’t enough. Now they’re encouraging people to pay $30 to advertise their association with this circus.

And now they’re trying to sell advertising.

Somebody apparently looked at this rolling dumpster fire and decided the only thing missing was corporate sponsorship.

Local businesses are being invited to hand over their hard-earned money to unidentified jackasses whose idea of marketing involves insulting public officials and photographing a fat guy named Earl.

So far, the business community has demonstrated remarkable restraint.

Nearly 15,000 people follow this garbage. That’s enough to fill a small town, elect a mayor, and immediately start complaining about the mayor.

When contacted for comment, the Chronicle’s editorial department reportedly told investigators to go piss up a rope.

Experts warn that unless somebody intervenes, these jackasses could eventually reach 20,000 followers.

At that point, Southwest Oregon may have a much bigger problem than anyone originally suspected.

On a serious note, thank you to everyone who follows, reads, shares, laughs, and supports the Coostucky Chronicle. We never expected this ridiculous little operation to grow into what it has become. We genuinely appreciate every one of you, even those who think we’re idiots. You’re probably right.

Disclaimer: This article is satire. The Coostucky Chronicle investigated itself and found its entire editorial staff guilty of being assholes. No disciplinary action is expected, as management is apparently just as bad.