COOSTUCKY – A man scrolling Facebook Friday evening suffered what witnesses are describing as a complete failure of his sense of humor after discovering that an article published by a satire page wasn’t real.
The trouble started with a Coostucky Chronicle article making fun of Portland’s pod shelters. The man immediately recognized the AI-generated image, correctly identified the story as satire, and then proceeded to lose his shit anyway.
Within minutes, he’d accused the Chronicle of spreading lies, declared its readers intellectually inferior to sea sponges, and apparently decided the entire population of southwestern Oregon needed to be evaluated by a neurologist.
All because somebody made a joke about a shed with a bed in it.
The man then launched into a political tirade, accusing the publication of being MAGA propaganda, presumably because anyone making fun of Portland must have a Trump flag hanging in their garage.
Apparently, jokes now require party registration.
But the evening wasn’t over.
Having exhausted his supply of public insults, the man marched into the Chronicle’s private messages to announce that somebody was going to be held accountable.
Accountable for what remains unclear. Possibly laughing without a permit.
He then blocked the page, effectively declaring victory in an argument nobody at the Chronicle knew they were having.
Sources believe he is currently recovering somewhere with a damp washcloth on his forehead, waiting for Facebook to investigate the unauthorized distribution of humor.
The Chronicle would like to remind readers that our stories are satire, our pictures are frequently AI-generated, and anyone requiring a sworn affidavit before laughing at a joke should probably stick to reading appliance manuals.
Meanwhile, the sea sponge community has reportedly demanded an apology for the comparison.
DISCLAIMER: This article is satire inspired by an actual exchange. The individual remains anonymous. Certain details have been exaggerated for comedic purposes. No sea sponges were harmed, although several have requested legal representation.
Follow the Coostucky Chronicle. We’re apparently upsetting people professionally now.
