McKay’s has survived Walmart, Safeway, inflation, power bills, and whatever the hell happened to the price of hamburger. Now comes the toughest competitor yet: the food bank.
Hard to beat a store where everything costs zero.
And before somebody gets their canned corn in a twist, yes, food banks are important. There are people who absolutely need them. But somewhere along the way, “helping people through a rough patch” turned into some folks treating the food bank like Grocery Outlet without the outlet.
Meanwhile McKay’s is over there trying to sell beans for actual American currency. Good luck with that.
Why spend your SNAP money on groceries when you can get the groceries free and save the benefits for more advanced Coostucky financial planning? Like buying bottled water, pouring the water out, returning the bottles, and converting government hydration into pocket change.
JP Morgan calls it asset management. Around here we call it Tuesday.
Safeway won’t care. Walmart definitely won’t care. McKay’s is the local outfit watching somebody drive past with a trunk full of free groceries thinking, “Could you at least come back for a damn onion?”
We’re not saying shut down the food banks. We’re just saying somewhere in Coos County, a perfectly good local grocery store is competing against free food and recyclable currency.
And that’s one hell of a business model to beat.
Disclaimer: This is satire. Food banks do important work, McKay’s has not declared war on canned beans, and we are not claiming everybody using food assistance is gaming the system. If you read this and immediately got mad at an imaginary poor person, congratulations—you may also qualify for free canned corn.