COOS BAY — Oregon State Parks has somehow turned standing around in the dark talking about aliens into a three-day festival, which means the Oregon Coast has finally found a respectable excuse for everybody to wander around at night staring upward like the edibles just kicked in.

The Sunset Bay Astronomy Festival runs Sept. 10–12 with telescopes, exoplanets, night photography and an actual class called “How to Talk to Aliens — Even if You’re Shy.”

That’s not astronomy. That’s Tuesday night in somebody’s garage outside Coquille.

Every evening, people will gather at Shore Acres, peer through telescopes and say things like, “Dude… Saturn has rings,” while another guy spends 20 minutes explaining that technically we’re all made of stardust.

Officials are asking visitors to keep lights dim so everyone’s eyes can adjust to the darkness, although judging by Oregon demographics, half the crowd may arrive pre-adjusted.

Organizers say it’s a family-friendly educational event. And it is. But if somebody starts whispering that the moon is following them, just give them some Doritos, point toward Jupiter and keep moving.

And if everybody has red eyes?

Telescopes. Definitely the telescopes.

SATIRE — The astronomy festival is real. Any connection to marijuana, snack shortages or intergalactic conversations is entirely made up.