Adam Slater says nobody asked for his opinion on the sheriff race. That did not stop him from dropping a full Facebook prosecution of John Cooper while repeatedly praising “my Sheriff, Gabe Fabrizio.” So right out of the gate, this isn’t exactly Switzerland.
To be fair, Slater lands one solid punch: Cooper wants more jail beds open? Cool. Who’s staffing them, and where’s the money coming from? Corrections deputies don’t hatch behind the courthouse after a good rain. Fabrizio also came into the job with more jail and administrative experience. Fair point.
Then Slater opened the census book and the homework started getting weird. He lists North Bend at 8,758 people. That number is correct — for North Bend, Washington. So while explaining who’s qualified to run law enforcement in Coos County, North Bend apparently packed a cooler and moved north.
Slater also paints Cooper like he briefly wandered through CCSO, smelled better retirement benefits at OSP and bolted. Missing from that biography: Cooper was a CCSO patrol deputy, received a Distinguished Action award, became an Oregon State Police trooper and is now an elected Coquille city councilor. Does that make him sheriff material? Nope. But if you’re gonna roast a guy’s résumé, maybe don’t leave half of it in the glovebox.
Then there’s the filing jab. Cooper did miss the deadline to get his name printed on the ballot. That’s why he’s running as a write-in, which Oregon allows if he meets the separate qualifications for sheriff.
So what did Slater actually give us? A legitimate question about Cooper’s jail plan, a strong endorsement of Fabrizio, some selective résumé trimming and some pretty bad homework involving the wrong North Bend.
Slater can support whoever he wants. But this wasn’t neutral analysis.
It was a campaign hit piece with a badge, a calculator and homework that needed another night at the kitchen table.
Disclaimer: This is satire and commentary based on public posts and records. The accompanying image is AI-generated satire and does not depict an actual event. Factual errors will be corrected if better documentation turns up.
UPDATE: Slater has since corrected the North Bend population and publicly credited The Coostucky Chronicle for catching it. We give him credit for owning the mistake. The rest of our criticism stands.