COOS BAY — Police say a driver was cited for careless driving after a car ended up in the side of the South 1st Street Taco Bell early Tuesday morning.

That’s the report.

Coostucky has a different suspect, and he’s about nine pounds lighter than the paperwork.

Several highly questionable witnesses say a tiny Chihuahua in a sombrero was seen near the scene around 4:22 a.m., holding a little orange detour sign with the arrow pointed straight at Taco Bell.

The dog allegedly looked at the car, tapped the sign with one tiny paw, and whispered, “Yo quiero drywall.”

Seconds later, South 1st had a fresh hole and the night crew had something new to explain.

No injuries were reported, thankfully, but the wall got folded up like a lawn chair at a Little League game, and one nacho cheese machine is now making a sound usually heard from an old Dodge trying to start in February.

Witnesses described the Chihuahua as smug, overdressed, and carrying himself like a washed-up fast-food celebrity who finally got one more commercial.

He was last seen headed toward Fred Meyer, dragging the detour sign behind him and looking for a lawyer small enough to ride in a purse.

Police have not named the dog as a suspect, mostly because nobody wants to be the officer who writes “sombrero Chihuahua” in an official report.

At press time, the little bastard remained at large and was considered armed with attitude, nostalgia, and dangerously poor directions.

Disclaimer: This is satire. No Chihuahua has been charged, cited, or banned from holding signs near restaurants.

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